💼 The More Things Change, The More They Ghost JPMorgan

Good morning,

Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr wasn’t talking about JPMorgan trying to drag private credit into the 21st century—but he might as well have been.

This week, we watched one of the most powerful institutions in finance get ghosted by a market it helped build, just because it had the gall to suggest transparency. Meanwhile, Nvidia is carrying the Nasdaq (again), the Fed is ignoring political noise (again), and ceasefire news triggered a market rally (again). Even being a millionaire is starting to feel... depressingly average.

New headlines, same old dance.

“The more things change, the more they stay the same.”
– Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr

JPMorgan Iced Out of the Private Credit Party

Story Despite sitting on $50B in lending firepower, JPMorgan is still on the private credit sidelines. Blackstone, Ares, and Apollo built the $1.7 trillion market post-GFC and aren’t keen on letting the big bank in. Why? Because JPMorgan wants to make it transparent, tradeable, and (heaven forbid) efficient.

What this means The private credit world is thriving precisely because it’s murky, illiquid, and controlled by a few power players. JPM’s efforts to turn it into the NASDAQ of loans is noble, but it’s also like trying to put a tie on a pit bull—unwelcome and likely to get bitten.

Point of interest Even some private equity sponsors are asking JPMorgan to stop listing their debt, fearing valuation exposure. It's not just a closed club—it’s a fortress with a moat filled with litigation.

Wildcard NerdWallet $NRDS ( ▼ 0.81% ) – Not private credit per se, but could benefit from the trickle-down of retail-friendly credit innovation if JPMorgan succeeds.

Markets Pop on Ceasefire, Nasdaq Hits ATH

Story A surprise ceasefire agreement between Israel and Iran eased global tensions, sending risk assets higher. The Nasdaq 100 soared to a new all-time high, with Nvidia doing most of the heavy lifting like an overworked intern in earnings season.

What this means When geopolitical tensions cool and inflationary pressures dip (thanks, oil), the market has an excuse to party. Even the 10-year Treasury yield got the memo, sliding to 4.29%.

Point of interest Wall Street bulls are now calling for a further 10% rally in the S&P 500 by year-end. Of course, they were also calling for a recession last Thanksgiving, so.

Wildcard Uber $UBER ( ▲ 0.02% ) – Surging on robotaxi news in Atlanta, because why walk when you can summon Skynet?

Being a Millionaire is Now… Middle Class?

Story In today’s economy, seven figures doesn’t stretch as far. High inflation, rising asset prices, and the cost of existing in cities with indoor plumbing mean that even millionaires are feeling middle class. No yachts, just pre-owned Range Rovers.

What this means The bar for "wealthy" has quietly crept upward. It’s now possible to earn six figures, own a home, and still feel like you’re losing ground. Fun!

Point of interest Expect luxury brands to start targeting centimillionaires and up. For everyone else: Costco remains undefeated.

Wildcard Finom (private) – The Dutch neobank just raised $133M and could cater to aspirational strivers.

Circle’s IPO Winner Might Be… Dead

Story Circle Internet Group’s IPO initially soared, but then dropped 15%. Meanwhile, early investors and estate holders from its 2018 seed round could be sitting on fortunes—even if they’re no longer breathing.

What this means Crypto remains a feast-or-famine sector, with fortunes made, lost, or entombed. Circle’s IPO cooled fast, but the biggest winners may be heirs, trusts, or dusty cold wallets.

Point of interest A reminder: Sometimes the best investment strategy is "buy early, hold long, and die."

Wildcard Digital Asset (private) – Raised $135M; a pure play on blockchain rails with enterprise focus.

M&A / Investments

1. BBVA’s Blocked $16B Takeover of Banco Sabadell
   Spain has blocked BBVA's $16B unsolicited takeover bid for Banco Sabadell for at least three years, halting the planned merger of the two lenders. This decision delays the potential consolidation of Spain's banking industry and highlights ongoing regulatory scrutiny in the sector.

2. Ambarella’s Exploration of Strategic Options (~$2.6B Valuation)
   Chip design company Ambarella, valued at around $2.6 billion, is considering strategic options, including a potential sale. The company’s decision to explore options comes as it looks to capitalize on its growing influence in the semiconductor industry.

3. Lingong Group to Buy Volvo’s 70% Stake in SDLG ($837M)
   A fund controlled by Lingong Group is set to acquire Volvo's 70% stake in the Chinese machinery company SDLG for $837M. This deal further consolidates the ownership and growth prospects of SDLG within China’s heavy machinery market.

4. Jadwa Investment’s Sale of 51% Stake in UniPharma ($267M)
   Saudi investment firm Jadwa Investment Co. is seeking to sell its 51% stake in Saudi pharmaceutical firm UniPharma at an estimated valuation of $267M. The move reflects ongoing shifts in Saudi Arabia’s pharmaceutical sector and strategic reallocation of assets.

5. Best Buy Divests Current Health Unit ($400M)
   Best Buy is divesting its at-home care unit, Current Health, which it acquired for $400M in 2021. The divestment signals a shift in Best Buy’s strategy, focusing on core business operations and away from its healthcare-related investments.

VC

1. Digital Asset Raises $135M for Blockchain Development
   Digital Asset, a blockchain development company, secured $135M in strategic investment from a range of financial giants, including Citadel Securities, Goldman Sachs, and others. The funding will enhance the company's efforts to advance blockchain technology for financial markets.

2. Arine’s $30M Series C for Medication Optimization AI
   Arine, an AI-driven medication optimization platform, raised $30M in Series C funding led by Town Hall Ventures. The platform is improving medication management for healthcare providers and patients through AI, presenting a growing opportunity in the healthcare tech space.

3. Enter's $23M Series B for Energy-Efficient Building Intelligence
   Enter, a German platform focused on energy-efficient renovations and digital building intelligence, raised $23M in Series B funding. This investment aims to accelerate the company’s innovations in sustainable building technologies.

4. Novoloop's $21M Series B for Upcycling Plastic Waste
   Novoloop raised $21M in Series B funding, led by Taranis, to continue its mission of upcycling plastic waste into usable materials. This funding will help expand its technology to address environmental concerns related to plastic waste.

5. Eventual’s $20M Series A for Python-native Data Processing
   Eventual, a Python-native open-source data processing engine, raised $20M in Series A funding led by Felicis. The company aims to streamline and optimize data processing workflows, making it a valuable tool for developers and businesses handling large datasets.

Wrapping up

So, what have we learned? Markets love peace talks, hate inflation, and still worship Nvidia. JPMorgan can wire billions into a black hole and still not get an RSVP. And apparently, having lunch with coworkers is back in fashion—as long as no one brings tuna.

In other words: everything is changing, and nothing is.
Jean-Baptiste Karr would be thrilled. Or possibly shorting the S&P.

Until next time,
The Briefcase Team 💼