💼 Oops! I Dropped the Global Economy

Good morning!
This week the markets took inspiration from Massimo Bottura, the chef famed for transforming imperfections into Michelin-starred masterpieces. A cracked lemon tart? He rebranded it as Oops! I Dropped the Lemon Tart. It’s a fitting metaphor for this week in finance: the global economy feels like a kitchen where half the ingredients are missing, with a tipsy chef at the helm, and yet somehow, something delicious (or at least edible) might emerge.

Consider Elon Musk’s X: a dish that started as an ambitious soufflé but is now starting to resemble burnt toast in the eyes of some. Or China’s DeepSeek, using budget ingredients to outshine the fancy tools of Silicon Valley’s AI chefs. It’s a week where the theme is less perfection and more improvisation.

X Marks the Debt

Story
Wall Street banks are finally unloading some of Elon Musk’s X (formerly known as the artist, Twitter) buyout debt, trying to convince investors that buying into this mess is a good idea. It’s like selling tickets to a cruise after the ship has already hit the iceberg.

What this means
The banks are looking to offload $3 billion of the $13 billion in loans at a discount (read: massive loss). Musk’s chaotic rebranding of Twitter as “X” hasn’t exactly helped; revenue is down, user growth is stagnant, and the company’s reputation is… well, somewhere between “dumpster fire” and “cautionary tale.”

Point of interest
Equity investors have written down their stakes by as much as 75%. Even Musk admitted X is “barely breaking even.” But hey, free speech is priceless, right?

Stock picks

• Low risk: Apple ($AAPL) – Because even in chaos, your iPhone will still sell.

• Medium risk: Meta ($META) – Zuck’s throwing billions at AI; at least one of his gambles might pay off.

• High risk: Nvidia ($NVDA) – DeepSeek’s success rattled the AI chip leader. Is this a buying opportunity or just the start of trouble?

• Wildcard: Snap ($SNAP) – Could the underdog social media platform ride the anti-Musk wave?

DeepSeek vs. ChatGPT: AI Throwdown

Story
China’s DeepSeek has emerged as a surprise heavyweight in the AI arena, outperforming ChatGPT despite using less advanced chips. Nvidia stock dropped nearly 9%, and Silicon Valley spent the weekend crying into their $10 oat-milk lattes.

What this means
The US monopoly on cutting-edge AI is officially under threat, and DeepSeek’s rise is a wake-up call for companies betting on expensive GPUs.

Point of interest
DeepSeek’s success with older tech is a masterclass in efficiency. It’s like winning a Formula 1 race with a 2001 Honda Civic.

Stock picks

• Low risk: Microsoft ($MSFT) – Their partnership with OpenAI keeps them in the AI race.

• Medium risk: Alphabet ($GOOGL) – Google’s AI ambitions could still deliver.

• High risk: Nvidia ($NVDA) – Feeling brave? The sell-off might be overdone.

• Wildcard: Baidu ($BIDU) – Betting on the Chinese AI giant to lead the charge.

TikTok Tug-of-War

Story
The White House is pushing Oracle to lead a bid for TikTok, while Perplexity AI is back in the running. It’s the tech equivalent of an awkward custody battle, with Trump as the judge.

What this means
TikTok’s future in the US hangs in the balance, and Oracle could emerge as the unlikely hero—or the villain, depending on who you ask.

Point of interest
Perplexity AI’s bid is ambitious, but let’s not forget that Oracle once thought buying Sun Microsystems was a good idea.

Stock picks

• Low risk: Oracle ($ORCL) – The TikTok bid could boost their stock, or at least their ego.

• Medium risk: Walmart ($WMT) – Still interested in a TikTok stake, proving retail isn’t dead, just weird.

• High risk: ByteDance (private) – Not publicly traded, but oh, the drama!

• Wildcard: Perplexity AI (private) – The underdog with a dream (and not much else).

Starbucks CEO Brews $96M

Story
Laxman Narasimhan, Starbucks’ new CEO, earned $96 million in four months. That’s £800,000 a day. For context, your average barista would need to work roughly 600 years to match that.

What this means
Executive compensation is alive and well, even if your local Starbucks has run out of almond milk.

Point of interest
Starbucks’ stock hasn’t exactly skyrocketed during Narasimhan’s tenure, but hey, some CEOs don’t measure success in stock performance. They measure it in Gulfstream jets.

Stock picks

• Low risk: McDonald’s ($MCD) – Less scandal, more burgers.

• Medium risk: Starbucks ($SBUX) – Because overpriced coffee is recession-proof.

• High risk: Beyond Meat ($BYND) – High risk, high reward—or just high.

• Wildcard: Dutch Bros ($BROS) – The hipster Starbucks alternative making waves.

SEC Goes Crypto-Friendly

Story
The SEC has reversed a rule that made it costly for banks to hold crypto, sparking renewed interest in digital assets. Cue Wall Street CEOs dusting off their Bitcoin wallets.

What this means
With regulatory hurdles easing, banks might finally embrace crypto—or at least pretend to, until the next crash.

Point of interest
This move comes just as Trump hinted at launching his own cryptocurrency. Because why not?

Stock picks

• Low risk: Visa ($V) – Quietly building crypto partnerships without the hype.

• Medium risk: Coinbase ($COIN) – Riding the regulatory wave.

• High risk: MicroStrategy ($MSTR) – Basically a Bitcoin ETF with a side of corporate lunacy.

• Wildcard: Dogecoin ($DOGE) – Musk might need it for X’s revenue plan.

Wrapping up
As Massimo once said, “It’s not about the ingredients; it’s about the ideas.” This week proved that sentiment true, with tech and finance turning their scraps into a bizarre mix of dishes. Some taste like success; others, not so much.

Whether it’s Elon’s burnt soufflé or DeepSeek’s unexpected triumph, the lesson is clear: even a cracked lemon tart can win you a Michelin star. But if your portfolio’s looking more like a botched crème brûlée, don’t despair. After all, the best dishes often start with mistakes in the kitchen.

Cheers,
The Briefcase Team